24 Year Old Spinster

I just took my dog for a walk in the park by my house. It was a pleasant evening out; a mild breeze, the shining moon and surprisingly not humid. I should have known the second I stepped into such a night what would be waiting for me once I reached the park and the pond, but in my fatigued state, I thought of nothing but the walk ahead of us and my delicious X-treme Cheddar Goldfish waiting to be devoured upon my return. However, as soon as I crossed the street into the park, I quickly realized what the nice weather had brought: couples.
Is there anything worse than the cliche of couples cuddling, or necking (yes I just used the term necking, fuck off) or holding hands on a bench in the moonlight? Nearly every bench in the park-of which there are many- was occupied with couples invading one another's personal space and making every poor passerby (mainly me) feel like a total creepster for walking by their inappropriate public displays of affection in the dark.
I get that it's a nice night out and people want to be outside but who wants to camp out and have romantic solitude while some other douchebags are doing the same thing ten feet away? Perhaps they're just so fucking in love that they exist in their own little world of naked Cupid baby monsters and kittens and condoms that don't smell like rubber and malted shakes with one shared straw, and because of that, they simply don't notice the other beings in the vicinity. LIKE ME.
This may sound like the rant of an old single woman, jaded by men, pierced daily by the shards of a rusty broken heart but it's not so fuck you. This is about the fact that I want to be able to walk my awesome dog in the park across the street from my house in my ratty sneakers and men's boxer briefs that I wear as shorts and no bra, and not have to walk by a thousand assholes ending their dates with an intimate, moonlight stroll, smiling and laughing and kissing and otherwise being cliches. I don't need to be reminded as I come home to a $6 bottle of Pinot Grigio, the aforementioned Goldfish and my cat that all those people are just right across the street, mooning around, making kissy faces, and holding hands. I just want to be content Facebooking stalking my ex and his current girlfriend, finishing off my bag of overprocessed cheddar by product snacks, and going to bed alone at 11. I hope everyone out there steps in dog shit.

And no, I'm not bitter.